The Feeling of Fainting

You're sitting there, upright and aware. You listen attentively to the people talking around you and every now and then you might partake in a small side conversation. Everybody is talking and it's coherent in the beginning. For a short instance a single word in a sentence spoken is faded, but it may have been a minute work like “and” or “the” so you do not pay much attention to it. You go back to listening but again a piece of a sentence fades out, and this time it was a larger chunk making the message of the person lost to you. You blink and when you open your eyes your vision is one shade duller than it was before. Out of shock you blink again hoping it will return to normal but alas you open your eyes to find your vision yet again a bit darkened over. Now you struggle not to blink at all to hopefully maintain the rest of your dull sight, but this is a hard task to accomplish because your eyes are so very dry. And while all of this is occurring your head is pounding, you weren’t aware of it until just now. It is not like a drum pound but rather a dull pound, and before now you did not know such thing as a dull pound existed. You are completely unaware of the conversation at this point. All you can hear is black; it is a curious feeling to be able to hear a color. Your eyes might be closed by now, but you're not fully sure because all you can focus on is the sound of black. And finally it happens, you are there for a second, and then you're not. You feel a thud, but do not recognize feeling it until later because at this point everything is a jambalaya mix. Despite the fact that you are unconscious at this point, your mind is rapid. And array of thoughts smash into your brain but you cannot think any of them separately, though you still maintain a small level of understanding. It's very warm. The thoughts are in color form and flash through in maroons and teals, and you are thankful for this because that feeling of the awful black was already worn. Then there is a tapping. You open your eyes and despite the fact that you are aware of the colors you just experienced, you momentarily forget and enter a state of confusion as to why when you blinked last you were sitting in that chair and when you opened your eyes you were on the ground. You will remember in a few minutes. Everybody is asking you questions that you don't feel like answering, mostly because you either do not know the answer or because it is simply unanswerable. The night will continue how you expect with everybody showing great concern and pricking your finger. You are healthy though. You'll answer their questions but very shallowly because in the back of your head you'll think of where you went tonight. You won't say it, but even in the next day and next year you'll think of that place. Despite the fact that it was so jarring, you'll crave its difference from the rest of your day to day life. You’ll think of those colors, maybe you will paint them on your walls or color them in a notepad. You will attempt to surround yourself with them because the tans and browns of the world you use to know are not sufficient anymore.

And in the back of your head you'll know that whether there is or is not a god, there is that place. And that array of colors is where we all get lost after we die.